by Melissa Howard ⎸melissa@stopsuicide.info
You don’t have to raise the next president or CEO to help your child become a leader. Leadership, at its core, is about influence, decision-making, and the ability to bring people together around a shared goal. It’s not about bossing others or standing out in front of a crowd with a microphone in hand. If anything, real leadership is often quiet and built over time through consistent modeling, patience, and giving your child space to make decisions. Parents can do more than they think by focusing less on controlling outcomes and more on how a child learns to engage with the world around them.
Start with Questions Instead of Commands
There is no better time to begin than during the ordinary, often chaotic moments of daily life. Instead of giving orders, ask questions that invite your child to consider others.
- Try asking, “What do you think we should do next?” rather than telling them what to do.
- Let them weigh in on family plans or offer their ideas when something goes wrong.
- Encourage them to look at how their choices affect others, even in minor conflicts with siblings or friends.
- Model active listening when they respond, showing that their thoughts matter and carry weight.
Be the Leader You Want Them to See
Kids are always watching, even when you think they aren’t. If you want them to grow into confident, thoughtful leaders, the blueprint starts with your behavior.
- Let them see you owning your mistakes, especially when it’s hard to do.
- Show consistency between your words and your actions, because children notice hypocrisy more than you think.
- Practice the habits you want them to adopt—whether that’s patience, time management, or how you treat people.
- Invest in your own growth, like exploring the benefits of an online business degree, to show that learning and leadership don’t stop after childhood.
Give Them Room to Speak and Space to Be Heard
One of the most powerful tools a parent can give a child is the confidence to speak their mind without fear. That doesn’t mean every opinion gets a trophy, but it does mean they should feel safe voicing it.
- Make space at the dinner table for their stories and opinions, even when they ramble.
- Teach them how to listen in return, because good leaders know how to pause.
- Allow them to disagree respectfully and help them refine their arguments instead of shutting them down.
- Let them lead at home when possible, whether that’s planning a meal or organizing a family game night.
Look for Leadership in Unexpected Places
Not every child will want to lead the student council, and that’s perfectly fine. Leadership is often quiet, tucked inside empathy, observation, and the ability to motivate others without recognition.
- Pay attention to how your child interacts during play, especially in group settings.
- Notice when they take initiative or offer help without being asked.
- Support interests that may not be flashy but build discipline and perspective, like mentoring younger peers or managing responsibilities at home.
- Reinforce that leadership is about lifting others up, not about standing above them.
Leadership doesn’t need a podium or a formal title to begin. It starts in the way your child learns to treat others, make choices, and think for themselves. The most enduring kind of leadership isn’t taught in one sweeping moment but shaped by the people who allow space for growth, voice, and steady trial and error. If you’re a parent trying to foster those qualities, the best thing you can do is show up, step back, and trust that you’re building something even when the results aren’t immediate. That kind of leadership lasts.Discover compassionate and effective therapy for children and adolescents with Dr. Jamie Rishikof, a licensed psychologist in Wellesley. Visit doctorrishikof.com to learn more about how he can help your family navigate
