Tag Archives: power struggles

Managing tantrums

April 30, 2018  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children,For parents of teenagers   |   Comments Off on Managing tantrums

Some professional insight into what tends to be most effective in reducing tantrums: https://www.sciencealert.com/there-s-actually-scientifically-helpful-way-deal-kids-tantrums-bad-behaviour-aggression?utm_source=ScienceAlert+-+Daily+Email+Updates&utm_campaign=b0133496e0-MAILCHIMP_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fe5632fb09-b0133496e0-365490661    

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“I’ll do it in a minute…”

September 01, 2016  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers   |   Comments Off on “I’ll do it in a minute…”

Some different perspectives on what that REALLY means: “I’ll Do It in a Minute!” What Does That Really Mean? 3 Perspectives  

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Some thoughts on relationships…

November 30, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on Some thoughts on relationships…

  Common courtesy is hardest at home.   * * * *   Don’t keep score.   * * * *   If you are arguing about arguing i.e., ‘I didn’t yell!’ ‘Yes, you did!’ or you are taking turns yelling your point without any effort to really consider the point your partner just made, […]

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Back talk

November 19, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children,For parents of teenagers   |   Comments Off on Back talk

An interesting perspective on why kids back talk, why it is so frustrating for parents, and why it may not be as bad a behavior as parents think: http://www.davidwolfe.com/kids-who-talk-back-become-successful-adults/  

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Throwing a stone

October 26, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers   |   Comments Off on Throwing a stone

Perceived attacks are tricky things. I can be so aware and hurt by what you did that I naturally conclude (i.e. assume) that you were acting with the knowledge that I would be hurt. To me, the connection is obvious. It is impossible to imagine that someone could do that, and not see how it […]

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Superman fights Wonder Woman

October 19, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,For teens,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on Superman fights Wonder Woman

One day I was regressing a little, and watching Justice League (TV Series 2001-2006), a cartoon show about a superhero team including, among others, Superman and Wonder Woman. In that episode Superman and Wonder Woman were fighting a villain that used magic. He created a flash of light as a distraction. When the light faded, […]

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The 7-year-old negotiator

September 17, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children   |   Comments Off on The 7-year-old negotiator

A helpful opinion piece on dealing with a master negotiator: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/so-heres-the-deal-how-to-respond-to-a-7-year-old-negotiator/2015/09/15/03a8894c-57ef-11e5-b8c9-944725fcd3b9_story.html  

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Do not stand before the wind

September 14, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,For teens,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on Do not stand before the wind

“Long ago, a storm was heading for the city of Quin’lat. Everyone took protection within the walls except one man who remained outside. I went to him and asked what he was doing. “I am not afraid,” he said. “I will not hide my face behind stone and mortar. I will stand before the wind […]

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The Platinum Rule

August 25, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children,For parents of teenagers,For teens   |   Comments Off on The Platinum Rule

Extending the ideas mentioned in the post Sports Playbook, people not only intend different things by certain actions, they express certain ideas by using different actions. This comes up most often in closer relationships, like in families. It is as if family members are trying to say similar things while speaking different languages. With one […]

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Sports playbook

August 03, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children,For parents of teenagers,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on Sports playbook

Relationships are like playing a sport with a teammate who is following a different playbook of rules. Furthermore, you are each constantly editing and changing your own playbook, and you don’t always act in accordance with your book. That leaves a lot of room for inconsistency and misunderstanding. You may be making a legal move […]

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Pedestrians and drivers

July 20, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,For teens,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on Pedestrians and drivers

Imagine that one day ‘Bob’ is driving downtown. All of the sudden, a pedestrian steps out in the middle of the road, and Bob is forced to suddenly hit the brakes in order to avoid hitting the pedestrian. Now, Bob is pretty annoyed at this selfish and inconsiderate jaywalker. If Bob is in the wrong […]

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Explain funny

July 13, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on Explain funny

One of the reasons that the difference in perspective between people is so complicated is because it is often impossible to explain why we feel the way we do about many things. It is difficult to identify why something feels like an attack to one person and wouldn’t bother the other. Or why something is […]

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On parenting

June 24, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children   |   2 Comments

A heartfelt opinion piece by a parent on balancing limits/discipline with freedom to have fun and be kids: http://www.mommy-ville.com/i-wish-my-kids-could-just-be-kids/  

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The Dark Wall of Truth

June 22, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,For teens,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on The Dark Wall of Truth

“If I take a lamp and shine it toward the wall, a bright spot will appear on the wall. The lamp is our search for truth… for understanding. Too often, we assume that the light on the wall is [Truth], but the light is not the goal of the search, it is the result of […]

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I don’t see what you see

June 08, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of children,For parents of teenagers,For teens,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on I don’t see what you see

People are easily seduced by their perspectives. What appears to me to be evident and obvious may make no sense to you. This can be very hard to imagine. We are all such different creatures. I am, to some extent, the sum of my memories. That is to say my personality, how I act, and […]

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The cup perspective

June 01, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,For teens,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on The cup perspective

I still remember the first time I witnessed the power of metaphor with a client. Michael was 14 years old. He had bounced from one therapist to the next and was guarded, cynical about adults in general, and therapists in particular. He had run away from his parents’ house on several occasions. To put it […]

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On power struggles with teens

May 26, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers   |   Comments Off on On power struggles with teens

[1] Domjan, Michael. (1993) Domjan and Burkhard’s The Principles of Learning and Behavior, 3rd Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.   [1] Domjan, Michael. (1993) Domjan and Burkhard’s The Principles of Learning and Behavior, 3rd Edition (pp. 290). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.   [1] Domjan, Michael. (1993) Domjan and Burkhard’s The Principles […]

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The magic mute button

One day, while I was watching TV, the phone rang. I pressed mute on the TV and talked to my friend on the phone. At one point, the TV distracted me. A character was having a considerable temper tantrum that grabbed my attention. The other characters around him seemed truly affected by the tantrum. However, […]

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The Han Solo factor

May 11, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on The Han Solo factor

Several years ago, my older brother and I were discussing the Star Wars movies. We both felt the original movies were superior, and were trying to figure out what it was that made us feel this way. We came up with a few theories, when he suggested an idea that has stuck with me as […]

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High Wire Act

April 27, 2015  |   Posted by :   |   For parents of teenagers,metaphors to help facilitate communication   |   Comments Off on High Wire Act

This metaphor elaborates on similar themes to those described previously in the posting Teaching a child to ride a bike. Imagine a high wire act. Now imagine the acrobat first walks across with a net below. He wants to make it across, but he knows the net is there, so if he falls, he’ll be […]

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