Try to show some interest in your teen’s interests, even if you really aren’t that interested. You may find their interests too violent, too loud, too boring,…etc, but if they invite you in I suggest you take the opportunity. Interest in what they are interested in makes them feel interesting. On the other hand, don’t force your way in. Showing a little interest can send a powerful message; anything more might seem like an invasion.
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Make sure to communicate your love both verbally and physically, in age appropriate ways.
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Expectations should be age appropriate.
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Don’t rush to solve your teen’s problems. Sometimes it is better to listen to his feelings before rushing to a solution. And sometimes it is best if you give him the space to come up with his own solutions.
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Try to remember, there is a reason certain behaviors are called ‘childish’ or ‘adolescent.’ That is because these behaviors are developmentally appropriate for children or adolescents. That does not make them acceptable behaviors. You can set boundaries, but at the same time remember this is precisely the process of growing up. Your child may not be acting stubborn or disrespectful as much as he is behaving like a child. Some lessons can only be learned by experiencing the consequences first hand repeatedly. It is not an act of personal defiance to you that he is doing this.
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Try to keep the number of commands or demands at an age appropriate level. Make a command specific and appropriate.
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Try to see the difference between your image of your teen and his reality as it exists, independent of your interests, needs and fears.
