http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/karpooler-iphone-app-saves-time-and-gives-peace-of-mind-to-busy-parents-151851315.html

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/karpoolertm-iphone-app-saves-time-and-gives-peace-of-mind-to-busy-parents-2012-05-17

http://acton.patch.com/articles/xxxx-2ead6baa

http://www.nannypro.com/blog/10-reasons-kids-suddenly-become-argumentative/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alexandra-pisano/teens-prescription-drugs_b_1514683.html

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_124912.html

http://www.mobiledia.com/news/142955.html

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/43-of-teens-say-they-text-drive-77-say-adults-warn-against-risks-but-text-drive-all-the-time-2012-05-14

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47416857/ns/technology_and_science-wireless/#.T7KXwr8igTk

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2018204230_drivetexting14.html

Bad news

You never stop feeling responsible.

You always hate seeing characteristics you don’t like in yourself being exhibited by those

you are responsible for.

You’re never sure if what you are doing is the appropriate action and if it will result in

the desired effect.

What may work for one child will probably not work for another.

Good news

Living things will probably survive in spite of what you mess up.

The successful accomplishments of those you’re responsible for are the best moments

you will have, remember them and cherish them,

In conclusion

Life’s a crapshoot, welcome to the casino.

* * * *

Afterthoughts

Try to avoid negotiating/making decisions in front of your teen. This gives your teen access to who is leaning which way on certain issues and invites them trying to divide you on the issue for their benefit.[i]

* * * *

Avoid rhetorical questions when you are angry. I have never seen a teen answer ‘what were you thinking?’ in a way that was helpful.

I return here to lessons I learned from caring for my dog. I repeat that in no way am I suggesting that caring for a dog is the same as parenting a teenager. Simply, that the role of caretaker has certain elements that can be generalized to both relationships. Another lesson I learned from owning a dog has more to do with my own behavior. When he was a new puppy, I felt a certain ease with ‘misbehavior,’ i.e., begging, peeing inside, nipping, etc. After all, he was a puppy. But as he got older, it became time to teach him, and my expectations began to shift. This is normal enough, except that my expectations (realistic or not) shifted faster than his behavior adjusted.

I observed that when he peed inside or did something else, I became intensely embarrassed, as if this transgression reflected on me as his owner. If he peed inside, it suggested that I wasn’t doing a good enough job as his owner. It proved that I had not taught him well. This embarrassment turned to shame quickly enough (as embarrassment is prone to do), and my feelings dictated how I responded to his behavior. My responses were no longer about teaching him or shaping his behavior. They were driven by my shame and frustration.

This was a ‘parenting’ error. It wasn’t his fault that he hadn’t learned yet. He wasn’t doing it to spite or embarrass me. He just hadn’t developed the ability to control the urge yet, or the conditioning had not fully shaped his behavior yet. Either way, my frustration blinded me. This is a valuable lesson in accepting a child’s learning curve.

http://clubmom.ca/blog/how-to-help-your-child-who-worries/

(Outside view, SeaQuest at dock. Wendy walks in on the Captain who is
pruning a series of bonsai trees)

Wendy: I thought I might find you here

Captain: Lucas not back, yet?

Wendy: Not yet. He’ll be ok, you know.

Captain: I know. Pretty rusty in my fathering, wouldn’t you say?

Wendy: I don’t know. Maybe he found the right girl

Captain: The right girl? After one night? Well, I’ll take that back. I
was seventeen myself, once.

Wendy: And you survived.

Captain: Amazing.

Wendy: You did. We all do.

Captain: No word?

Wendy: Uh-uh. (sits and really looks at the plants) These are very
beautiful. What do you do to make them grow like
that?

Captain (rearranging, pushing the one he was working on away, pulling
another closer): Patience and a lot of attention.

Wendy (stroking leaves): Do you design them so they come out that way?

Captain: No, Nature does it, (Wendy stands again) I just help. A little
judicious pruning here and there. I work on them all the same way, but they all

grow up a little different. Surprising; and beautiful.

Wendy: Like children. (taps his shoulder and heads out) See you
later. (Captain looks very thoughtful indeed)

**********************************

Children grow in their own way. Like plants, you can influence them and shape them to some extent. But in the end, they have their own lives and make their own way.[i] They do not grow into your expectations of how you want them to be. They evolve into their own people. They may never enjoy the things that you want them to or dreamed they would. If you spend too much time pining over what they are ‘missing out on,’ you may miss the person they are becoming. If you want something that will have the exact shape that you want, buy a plastic plant. Otherwise be prepared to either adapt your expectations or have them forever frustrated.