Coordinating Carpooling

May 18th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

KarPooler™ (www.KarPooler.com) is a free utility app for the iPhone, designed by a husband-and-wife team, that enables adults who carpool children to school and other activities to communicate with the other adults and/or the children in their carpool(s) more quickly and efficiently, therefore reducing stress and wasted time.

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/karpooler-iphone-app-saves-time-and-gives-peace-of-mind-to-busy-parents-151851315.html

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/karpoolertm-iphone-app-saves-time-and-gives-peace-of-mind-to-busy-parents-2012-05-17

 

On prom

May 18th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

Some safety tips:

http://acton.patch.com/articles/xxxx-2ead6baa

Why kids become argumentative

May 17th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

This article offers parents tips at deciphering what may be behind mood shifts in their kids:

http://www.nannypro.com/blog/10-reasons-kids-suddenly-become-argumentative/

Teens and prescription medication abuse

May 17th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

Teenagers are most likely to start abusing prescription pain relievers in the middle of high school, according a Michigan State University study.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alexandra-pisano/teens-prescription-drugs_b_1514683.html

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_124912.html

Kids online

May 17th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

A look at what kids are doing online:

http://www.mobiledia.com/news/142955.html

Texting while driving

May 15th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

Nearly half the teens polled admit that they text while driving despite a knowledge of the risks, and about the same number admitted that they had seen their parents doing the same:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/43-of-teens-say-they-text-drive-77-say-adults-warn-against-risks-but-text-drive-all-the-time-2012-05-14

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47416857/ns/technology_and_science-wireless/#.T7KXwr8igTk

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2018204230_drivetexting14.html

Some thoughts on Parenthood

May 14th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

Something my parent taught me about parenthood

Bad news

You never stop feeling responsible.

You always hate seeing characteristics you don’t like in yourself being exhibited by those

you are responsible for.

You’re never sure if what you are doing is the appropriate action and if it will result in

the desired effect.

What may work for one child will probably not work for another.

 

Good news

Living things will probably survive in spite of what you mess up.

The successful accomplishments of those you’re responsible for are the best moments

you will have, remember them and cherish them,

 

In conclusion

Life’s a crapshoot, welcome to the casino.

 

* * * *

 

Afterthoughts

Try to avoid negotiating/making decisions in front of your teen. This gives your teen access to who is leaning which way on certain issues and invites them trying to divide you on the issue for their benefit.[i]

 

* * * *

 

Avoid rhetorical questions when you are angry. I have never seen a teen answer ‘what were you thinking?’ in a way that was helpful.

 


[i] Furthermore, arguing in front of children has been found to be associated with later behavior problems in children. Pauli-Pott, Ursula & Beckmann, Dieter. (2007). On the Association of Interparental Conflict With Developing Behavioral Inhibition and Behavior Problems in Early Childhood. Journal of Family Psychology 21(3), 529-532.

 

Guru Samurai revisited

May 14th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

I return here to lessons I learned from caring for my dog. I repeat that in no way am I suggesting that caring for a dog is the same as parenting a teenager. Simply, that the role of caretaker has certain elements that can be generalized to both relationships. Another lesson I learned from owning a dog has more to do with my own behavior. When he was a new puppy, I felt a certain ease with ‘misbehavior,’ i.e., begging, peeing inside, nipping, etc. After all, he was a puppy. But as he got older, it became time to teach him, and my expectations began to shift. This is normal enough, except that my expectations (realistic or not) shifted faster than his behavior adjusted.

I observed that when he peed inside or did something else, I became intensely embarrassed, as if this transgression reflected on me as his owner. If he peed inside, it suggested that I wasn’t doing a good enough job as his owner. It proved that I had not taught him well. This embarrassment turned to shame quickly enough (as embarrassment is prone to do), and my feelings dictated how I responded to his behavior. My responses were no longer about teaching him or shaping his behavior. They were driven by my shame and frustration.

This was a ‘parenting’ error. It wasn’t his fault that he hadn’t learned yet. He wasn’t doing it to spite or embarrass me. He just hadn’t developed the ability to control the urge yet, or the conditioning had not fully shaped his behavior yet. Either way, my frustration blinded me. This is a valuable lesson in accepting a child’s learning curve.

Helping kids with Anxiety

May 8th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

A great article by a friend and colleague, Sari Shaicovitch,

http://clubmom.ca/blog/how-to-help-your-child-who-worries/

Bonsai trees

May 7th, 2012 § 0 Click on title to comment!

The following dialogue is from the TV series SeaQuest DSV (1993-1996). The dialogue takes place between Captain Bridger and Dr. Wendy. The Captain has been given charge of a teenage boy named Lucas. He is really struggling with the boy’s stubbornness and rule breaking. Most recently Lucas had sneaked out to see a girl.

(Outside view, SeaQuest at dock. Wendy walks in on the Captain who is
pruning a series of bonsai trees)

Wendy: I thought I might find you here

Captain: Lucas not back, yet?

Wendy: Not yet. He’ll be ok, you know.

Captain: I know. Pretty rusty in my fathering, wouldn’t you say?

Wendy: I don’t know. Maybe he found the right girl

Captain: The right girl? After one night? Well, I’ll take that back. I
was seventeen myself, once.

Wendy: And you survived.

Captain: Amazing.

Wendy: You did. We all do.

Captain: No word?

Wendy: Uh-uh. (sits and really looks at the plants) These are very
beautiful. What do you do to make them grow like
that?

Captain (rearranging, pushing the one he was working on away, pulling
another closer): Patience and a lot of attention.

Wendy (stroking leaves): Do you design them so they come out that way?

Captain: No, Nature does it, (Wendy stands again) I just help. A little
judicious pruning here and there. I work on them all the same way, but they all

grow up a little different. Surprising; and beautiful.

Wendy: Like children. (taps his shoulder and heads out) See you
later. (Captain looks very thoughtful indeed)

**********************************

Children grow in their own way. Like plants, you can influence them and shape them to some extent. But in the end, they have their own lives and make their own way.[i] They do not grow into your expectations of how you want them to be. They evolve into their own people. They may never enjoy the things that you want them to or dreamed they would. If you spend too much time pining over what they are ‘missing out on,’ you may miss the person they are becoming. If you want something that will have the exact shape that you want, buy a plastic plant. Otherwise be prepared to either adapt your expectations or have them forever frustrated.


[i] A recent study found that the relationship between parents’ and peers’ expectations for pro-social behavior in a teen and that teen engaging in such pro-social behavior was mediated by the teen’s own values. Essentially, whether a teen will choose a pro-social activity that they know others in his life approve of depends on his own value system. Padilla-Walker, Laura M. & Carlo, Gustavo. (2007). Personal Values as a Mediator Between Parent and Peer Expectations and Adolescent Behaviors. Journal of Family Psychology 21(3), 538-541.

For more information on how children are born with personality strengths and tendencies, refer back to the section Math Problems and its endnotes.